The Inspiration

This is such a hard post to write about because I feel like it goes against the traditional way of what is expected in society. I always say I feel like a free spirit, but it still feels strange going down a different path. I’ve also come to the realization that I did not choose this isolated path; as cliché as it sounds, it’s just been a feeling that I can’t escape. And when I try to blend in with the traditions, chaos forms in my life. The feeling of being different or “the black sheep” is unique but also lonely. So this post is inspired by a life that my soul has been forced to pursue, a life as a free spirit without religion to guide me.

The Beginning

The funny thing about the beginning is that I did not grow up going to church or forced to go. However, the people around me were heavily involved. Even though I was surrounded by close people, I felt extremely isolated. I would go to different churches depending on who I was with, but 99% of the time, it never resonated. It felt odd, even though churches were welcoming and the people were nice. I’ve never had a bad experience in any church, it just never felt right or aligned with me. 

The older I became, the more I started rejecting religion. I didn’t want anything to do with it at all.  If I were staying with family members who would go to church on Sundays, I would try to find a reason to stay home (sick was my go-to, lol). Once I was old enough that I could stay home without an explanation, a little bit of pressure was relieved. When I successfully averted going to church, loneliness crept up on me and confused. I knew I didn’t want to be a part of religion, but I also knew I didn’t want to be alone. Looking back, I was probably depressed, but if I was, I don’t remember the feeling.

As I grew into my teenage years, the confusion I felt grew stronger because I was isolated. I didn’t want to be isolated from everyone, but I also did not want to pretend or perform in something that I had no interest in. My confidence was nonexistent, so expressing how I truly felt was not an option. I turned into a people pleaser, but not 100%; I was still somewhat aware of myself, where my soul knew to find a way to reject the experience of religion. 

Why it Never Resonated

I still battle with this question at 31 years old. And I’ve concluded that I don’t think I will find a definitive answer in my lifetime. I’m supposed to trust and follow this resistance to wherever I am supposed to be. Maybe when I get further into my life, the answer will come, but for now, I’m okay with not knowing. 

I’ve always described myself as a free spirit, not because I don’t like being told what to do, but because I am defiant, and because I trust myself to guide me more than anyone. The problem with religion is that it all sounds like the game of telephone. Interpretations are passed down from generation to generations but not being able to verify whether it is really a higher power’s intent or humans changing information for their nefarious purposes. How can someone confidently say that you will not make it to heaven? Did they experiment die and return to tell the story? In order for me to believe or have faith in religion, the answer would have to be yes.

I think once upon a time religion could be trusted and was pure, but over the evolution of humans’ dark side, it is not that anymore. Everything has been distorted, and people are able to hide their dark sides from detection. Oftentimes, we hear horrible stories from children about bad experiences that were directly tied to the people of the church. Maybe religion itself is not the issue, but the people hiding behind it, tainting it. 

One of the things I’ve consistently maintained during my time of avoiding joining religion is that I don’t need to perform rituals, go to a building, or dunk myself in water to prove to other humans that I believe in God, Jesus, or any other higher power. I feel as though the bond I want to form with God needs to be unique to me, not following a blanket guideline. In my 20s, I started a journal where, instead of verbally praying, I would write it out. That worked for me because it felt like I had a direct line to God and the rest of my spiritual time. Oftentimes, after a prayer, I would see Angel numbers that confirmed that they are listening, watching, and assisting. 

A final reason why Religion never resonated with me is that if we are a form of God, what about the other forms that he created? Yes, I am talking about aliens. When I was younger, I witnessed a UFO in my neighborhood. It was a split second, but long enough to alter everything. I honestly think that was the day that I made the decision to never go down a religious path. Most religions don’t explain or acknowledge spirits outside of humans and Angels. Everything else is deemed demonic. For me, that doesn’t make sense because we can’t be the only form of intelligence in this universe if God exists. My curiosity won’t allow me to be boxed into anything, so I have to walk this alone if I want answers that are not influenced by other humans. 

The Other Way

The other way for me is trusting myself enough to figure out everything that comes my way. This far in my life, I’ve realized that ALL of my shortcomings or unhappiness in my life was my own doing. I have the power to create any life that I want, and I also have the power to remove or stop anything I don’t like from my life. Life is not that hard when you prioritize yourself. All of my own journal entries always included external people and, quite literally, chasing them. I think God and other high-ranking beings intended for us to be separate entities on Earth so we can learn to use our discernment and individuality. The religions I’ve briefly experienced kind of indoctrinate you to rely on an external source rather than yourself. 

I choose to go within because in my reality, that is what God intended. I’ve come to an understanding that we are all just small fragments of a bigger picture, so if I know that I’m part of the bigger picture and I come from The Source, shouldn’t I be able to solve all of life’s challenges by myself? I know that may sound naive, but if you live your life fearlessly with a sprinkle of curiosity and a willingness to learn, life’s challenges will teach you what you need to know in order to move forward. 

The key to going the “other way” is to be willing to get to know every part of yourself and embrace it. If you aren’t willing to do that, then you might as well join the nearest church in your community. ( joking lol) There is some shadow work to be done in order to ensure that when you go within for answers, your highest self is the one responding back. There have been plenty of moments when I realized the unhealed version of me was responding. I make sure to keep her in check as I get on my spiritual journey. Don’t be afraid to experiment with tools that really fit with you and the lifestyle you are currently living. We live in a world where we have an abundance of tools to help aid in living an intentional life; we just have to be willing to experiment until we find the right one. Lately, a pen + notebook, my 4-year-old MacBook, and the free Voice Memos app have been making life so fun for me. I’m in a documenting phase of my life, and I’ve realized we don’t really need much to create. 

Lastly, and this point is very short and to the point. If God created us and made us with every intention for us to follow in his footsteps to be a creator, and then we live a life that involves no creation, wouldn’t that be a direct disservice to God? Maybe similar to a Sin?

Final Thoughts

My final thought is to trust yourself and go within before you trust any manmade or outdated source. It’s a tough journey, but you will feel better at the end. And it’s only tough because of how lonely the experience can be. We humans literally need connection and contact, but we should not be desperate enough for the wrong connections. Find out who you are in this lifetime, and I promise you, you will never let you down.