Comparison is the thief of joy is the phrase that I heard in the majority of my 20s. We were taught to never compare ourselves to anyone else because we are all unique individuals on a journey that should produce unique outcomes. As much as I tried to drill this bit of information in my head, it would not resonate, or “click.” I could not stop looking at other people’s situations, comparing them to mine, and then falling into a semi depression. 

When Comparison Took Over

As a younger millennial,l I grew up in the middle of the advancement of technology. We had the best of both worlds. When I look back on my young life, I realize that comparison took over when social media was emerging because I did not have a strong sense of self. Infatuated with other people’s lives because they appeared to have found their “thing.” If social media hadn’t reared its head, I don’t believe that I would have gone down that side quest of watching other people live their lives. Boredom would have gotten the best of me, and that would have led me to my purpose. 

Social Media and the Loss of Self Identity

Another part of myself that I had to come to terms with is the low self-esteem and confidence that contributed to feeling behind in life. I had not become aware of the fact that I didn’t have the inner confidence in myself to try anything out of the ordinary. It was easier to watch someone else do it or put them on a higher pedestal. I was so busy watching someone else live their life, not realizing that you have to have a strong belief in yourself in order to succeed. Everything that we do in life starts within, and if that foundation is not built strongly, you will be forever on the sidelines.

Let’s circle back to comparison. You can’t compare yourself to anyone because everyone’s journey is different on Earth. We all have a special mission to live out so that we can learn something that will help us evolve on a spiritual level. The different experiences we have can teach us something that we need to learn and experience.

You also don’t know where someone’s path ultimately leads. The career or lifestyle you admire today may completely disappear from their life six months from now. Sometimes humans think they have finally arrived somewhere stable, only to realize they were being redirected toward something more aligned.

Trying to Live Someone Else’s Version of Success

Society has also played a part in comparison culture because of how things were set up for us. For this section of the article, I am speaking more to the western part of the world because this is where I was born and raised. In America, they have this thing called the “American Dream,” and for the longest time, I tried to assimilate into that dream, only to keep being faced with rejection. Rejection is internal and external. We are taught to do well in school (K-12), go to college, find a job, get married, have a family, retire after 20+ years, and then die. The closer I got to my prefrontal lobe being fully developed, the more I realized that I was a fish trying to fit in outside of my natural element. And that was an isolated experience because it appeared everyone else around me was thriving with no issues. Here I am, out on dry land, trying to hold my breath long enough until I can get back in the water. Before I stayed in the water and accepted who I am and what I needed to do to survive, I kept jumping back in the water just enough so I could breathe and then jumping right back out to rejoin the crowd. 

The Exhaustion of Living Out of Alignment

The amount of energy it takes to stay in an area where you can’t be yourself, thrive, or enjoy life drains the energy out of you that could have been used to figure out how to thrive within yourself and be happy doing it. Who cares if you are alone during the journey? Eventually, you will find your people. 

If you are reading this now, no matter where you are in your life, you are supposed to be there physically and spiritually in that moment. There is something to be learned in the experience you are in, something that, if learned correctly, that experience will help guide you where you are supposed to go next. And I know this may sound like generic concepts we hear all the time, but it is absolutely true. Oftentimes, we can’t see or understand the bigger picture until we remove ourselves and observe the entirety of the portrait. And for me, that looks like internal reflection through journal writing and voice notes that I documented throughout the journey. I typically do this after I know that my energy and spirit have fully detached from a scenario or person/people. 

Learning to Stop Being Your Own Enemy

You can also feel like you are being left behind or just being behind if you have an unnecessary amount of pressure on yourself. Oftentimes, we are our own worst critics. As I like to say, I don’t need anyone to be hard on me because I tend to be extremely hard on myself. We, humans, don’t give ourselves enough grace, and I understand society might play a small part in that, but we need to stop being our worst enemy. The human experience is so complex, and there is so much that we are made aware of, and for me, emotions are that one thing that can slow me down.

Emotions if not balanced, can debilitate you in thinking that something is wrong with you, you are not worthy, or suck the life out of you. For some of us, it can do all of those three things at once. I’m learning every day that I can’t ignore something in hopes that it will just go away. For every time that I have ignored something in my life, all I’ve done is give it a drop of my energy until it manifests in something so big that I can’t deny it. It’s almost like I keep blowing up the balloon with contents inside of it, and once it pops, it will be a big mess that I am the only person who will have to clean up. 

Returning Back to Yourself

To end this article, and hopefully tie everything together, we need to make sure we prioritize self-love and staying internally balanced. If you feel like you are consuming a lot of social media that is bringing on the feeling of being behind in life, cut it out or put some limits in place. If you have people around who constantly compare themselves or spark subtle conversations of comparison, then remove them from your lives. If balance is mastered, then anything that comes our way will be handled in a way that reconnects us back to our higher selves and getting on with the specific mission that we have come to do.