Today is the last day of my summer break, and I feel surprisingly happy. At the end of the school year, in June, I was so over being a school bus driver and was ready to call it quits. I felt overwhelmed because of the heat, distance, and 50 million other things going on in my personal life. Earlier this year, I wrote about the last day of my spring break. Now another season has come to an end.

But something else started to happen when I started to walk. I told myself I was going to get up every morning, depending on the weather, to walk and get the majority of my 10,000 steps. The route I chose ended up getting me just under 8,000 steps and a good cardio workout. There were many steep hills, inclines, and elevations on this path.

The first week was hard, but after a while and a lot of effort, the walk became easy and addictive. On the days that it rained, I was so upset that I couldn’t get out there to walk. If it wasn’t raining hard and only a drizzle was coming down, I still went. The rain ended up cooling me down in the end, so it worked out.

Walking taught me a lot about myself. I can do hard things if I just keep doing them. And eventually, they will become easy or “less hard.” I had my walking playlist keeping me motivated, but being outside with nature allowed me to gain clarity on exactly what I want out of life, what I need to do, and how I am going to get it. And the answer was hidden in the walk: keep doing hard things.

Over the summer, I also started a side project that I’ve become most proud of. I started this project of documenting the D.C., M.D., and Virginia area. A.K.A. the DMV. I started with my hometown, and the pictures that I captured made me realize the beauty in this small town that raised me. I went as far as sharing them on social media and immediately started to gain a tiny following along with likes, shares, and reactions. I was so proud of myself because they were my photos that I edited, and the reactions were organic. This brand, The Capital Companion, was the first time that I had made a dent in trying to build a brand from the ground up. Right now, the Facebook page currently sits at 45 followers. I couldn’t help but feel proud, but there was also a nagging feeling that I was once again neglecting the original brand—this brand, The Cosmic Radar.

Once upon a time, before social media got all serious and money-driven, I used to post for fun. Mainly on my stories, but that is where my personality shined. Now I find it so hard to showcase that side of me. I think me being in my 30s, trying to adjust to this age, and being a mom altered a lot of who I thought I was. When I reflect on my past, I realize that is a version of me that I don’t want to align with again. It was very much cringey, even throughout all of the successes. I am trying to discover who I am now that my frontal lobe is fully developed, and I think that is why it is so hard for me to just post online freely. I think the core of who I am is still the same, but there’s still a lot of unknown that needs to be developed.

In a weird way that I don’t know how to make sense of yet, capturing the pictures for The Capital Companion helped me remind myself that I can do this, I have an artful eye, and my perspective on life is worth sharing. The reason I stopped prioritizing posting on TCC was because I became aware of myself still hiding behind this brand and not allowing people to see that this is my work. I never did an introductory post on who was posting the pictures. I just popped up with the page and started posting.

So now I’ve pivoted back to my first love. The one that I started in 2023 and never really gave my all. This brand, The Cosmic Radar, deserves 100% of me. I’m not completely done with TCC, but I need to make progress on here before I start another “thing.”

I had a very creative summer. Because I moved back in with my parents, I did not have to work this summer. If I did, that would have looked like me doing a summer bus run for 4 hours a day. Instead, I walked, captured pictures, visited family, and lived an artist life as best as I could with my 4-year-old. I was able to stay present with my mini bestie, and we had the most amazing summer making memories that I hope she will remember when she is older.

Through Ancestry, I was also able to connect with new family members that ended up being really cool! And through my dad’s health issues, I reconnected with his side of the family, and now we have an intimate family reunion coming up that I am so excited for. I grew up with my mom’s side, mostly, so I am happy to be reconnecting with them. I reconnected with my cousin on my maternal side, and the conversations we had inspired me in so many ways. It was a family-oriented summer for me, and I am grateful to have experienced it.

There were a lot of downs too, but I’ve been choosing to focus on the positive and the good moments. My daughter and I even started a garden in our community garden, and it produced peppers, cucumbers, and we are currently waiting on the corn. We ran into another gardener, Mr. Sam, who helped us because I had no idea what we were doing LOL. He even gave us some foods he was growing. If I had to pick my favorite experience of the summer, it would be gardening with Mr. Sam! He really showed us what it means to have community.

This summer was all about balance for me, now that it is over and I am reflecting. Towards the end of the school year, I started to feel burnt out, anxious, and just frustrated with myself because I was not where I wanted to be. But I also had to acknowledge my own contribution to feeling stuck. I was not giving my creative dreams the 100% they need to take off and thrive.

I’d like to say that I feel back to myself, but this new version of me I am not familiar with…yet. I am getting to know this new me, this 31 (almost 32)-year-old me.

The last day of my summer came and left. The official last day for me was Sunday, August 23rd, and I am happy to be done. Normally, I would yearn for the past, but I am so focused and excited to build and create my new future that the only thing I want to do is be present. I’m back to work, back in my routine, and ready to show the world my light. I believe that if we are here on Earth now, there is something that our spirit contains that we have to offer. And the way that the world is changing, it’s now or never.

As always,

Brittney